This should be obvious, but sadly, for many it's not. Personally, if nothing happened apart from him buying drinks and giving you a ride home, then I wouldnt have told at all. Oh my god, (Brodie)bit my tongue! yells James. Houston, despite we started out as just friends, we now have PROOF that we have utilised a mechanism for cultivating love and respect, enough to now remain together til death do us part. I agree. His imagination could go haywire over that one. However from what I've read passionate kissing lead to touching, petting,etc. The first step to a broken loyalty is a first kiss. :-). Your Drinking Behaviour. I've been cheated on just recently and I cannot imagine how awful it would be if he didn't own up and tell me. So, I reluctantly confessed to getting drunk and kissing my piano teacher. Unless you literally were so drunk that you had no idea what you were doing, it's probably better for you to take responsibility for and own your behavior instead of saying "I got drunk" as an excuse. I sent the guy packing with a friendly piss-take (whilst deliberately flashing my ring), and then told hubbie the minute I got home. DON'T: Kiss and tell to someone you're kissing. stop any contact (outside of work) immediately. you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. When the night was over one of the women said we could go back to hers for drinks, and I was happy to go. I was very drunk. "and though he immediately pulled away". You went and MARRIED someone who was your best FRIEND, not your Bam!, Pow!, "oh my god there is a god!" If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you its okay. But, listen, I don't want to turn this thread into a general chit-chat one. I really have a problem believing but forgave her and weve been together another 20 yrs now and have 15 grand children hasnt ever really bothered me but about 3 yrs ago it hit me like of bolt of lightning out of nowhere and I cant get that night out of my mind, keep obsessing over what they might have done and how they spent the 4 or 5 hours that they were together outside the venue that night. ;-)), Back too Ya My Sistah from another mother!! Yes one should take care of themselves before getting drunk. Then the accusations begin, which night go something like: Why on earth did you kiss _________? Make lemonade out of them. He's a nice guy and we get on, but I don't know how I'm gonna face him talk about normal work things. If this is bothering you, then tell him. We were good friends for a few years and have dated in the past but nothing serious. 2023 FemaleFirst Ltd. all rights reserved. Wow! I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. My SO and I had been dating two years. IAMHIM (person claiming to be an unregistered passer-by), As for what we believe about kissing being the gateway to sex (specifically foreplay, which itself is the main gate): if anyone believes it *isn't*, thenwellAll I could say to that is: (works every time :-p) I kissed another man four years ago. You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. Period. Im guessing that theres a good chance you would have gone all the way if the piano teacher had gone for it. My libido is sharper when Im sober, at least if Im really attracted to a guy and have the love goggles on. Yes, that's what I was going to advise - that you two continue any discussion on LG's own thread. It was the most thrilling feeling I ever had watching my wife kiss and make out with another guy. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. One way to get over the guilt would be to prove to yourself that it will never happen again. Not sure how anyone can say they're "certain" he doesn't need to know, given the fact that he made his own standards and expectations perfectly clear on that score, back when he himself was the 'victim' of a come-on. Your guilt is your punishment. What!! I'm taking it day by day. I was nervous and prayed nothing would happen but it did. It sounds like you are projecting your own fears onto him. Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. If he is nervous at you looking at his messages and also refuses to tell you who she is, he is hiding quite alot. If he forgave you, then it sounds like he accepted that it was a mistake, that you won't do it again and has moved on. lover. It's good you feel guilty, that means your not cheating pond scum. And then continued behaving like friends as if the mere certificate would do the work and promotion parts for you (or, alternatively, continued accepting the fact that ONE friend couldn't quite dare up his friendship ante to where you felt sated in the affection and attention worthy of marriage department) So it looks as if we're suddenly at crossed-purposes, then. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. :(. Don't feel guilty because you are a mom (or dad) and you feel like you need to be spending time with them. She has just sent a private message to him on FB. I feel sorry for the visually impaired but that doesn't mean I want a blind person flying my airplane and my compassion won't make the flight any safer. Not just what I did but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. If you. I don't know why I need that so much, but I do. It's one of those cases where keeping it a secret would be worse than the transgression itself, especially since it'd be a case of 'the pot calling the kettle black'. I don't see any good coming from me confessing, only hurt and upset and doubt, and think my time would be better spent working on my relationship, and working through the issues that are putting so much pressure on us at the moment. (No, I'm very passionate about fidelity.) (That'll do me nicely! i agree with everyone there's some really good sharing here. Such as crying,begging that would be enough for me to give them a second chance. response. Before delving into my own personal story, Id like to address this subject generally. This is the decission you need to make do you want to risk all (career, home, kids as well as your DH) and be in a position you can pursue a relationship with this married man - who may well reject you for more than a fling. I could list so many reasons why, but instead Ill just list a few. By clicking 'Submit' or otherwise submitting this form you agree to the, By entering this site you declare So she left after a couple of replies. I hadn't been out drinking for about 3 months beforehand, so think the excitement of the night, constant glasses prosecco and wine, and the buzz of just being all dolled up all mixed together to see me very giddy and tipsy. If the reaction isnt strong, then maybe its okay to confess. Then I ordered taxis, woke up the other girl and we left. I am the same way. Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. Similarly, meeting with someone privately and not telling your partner can also be a warning sign that . And as for our original subject, who knows maybe she told him. Your guilt is your punishment. Spoiler alert: Not that different from kissing a girl, only they dont fancy them. Soulmate I guess as long as you stay at this site I'll find all of you. The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. Even if it is innocent kiss, I am done. That was crazy' and other awkward things. Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? The drunk part won't matter to him because his mind will only think about the kiss. In essence . Unfortunately, even these last few asides are tantamount to a forum no-no called thread mutineering. Live with the soul crushing guilt you earned, or lose your BF. I totally regret my actions and cannot bear to tell my boyfriend. "Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk ". i cried for days on and my bf couldnt figure out was . Him coming to you within 2 days of his wayward deed , when he could have easily gotten away with it, this is something to consider. I am NOT looking forward to spotting him in the corridor at workHOW EMBARRASSING!. This guy wouldnt take money from me (I should have seen this as a Red Flag, but didnt), so I bought him opera scores in order to compensate him for his time and expertise. That's what it takes to have a Grade A romance that never dies. Amazing how long this subject has carried on. Despite their passion during the kiss though, thestraight guys (quite predictably)all saythey still identified asstraight. Yup. When you feel guilty for hurting someone you love, holding in those feelings makes it worse. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Because your significant other doesnt fully believe that you just kissed this person because you were intoxicated. male A female friend of mine was staying at our house for the weekend. Your significant other might get very angry about this, but I believe it depends more on whom you kissed rather than on the fact that you kissed someone else. Please leave me a comment. If I were the husband and some how found out through a second party my trust would be broken. = I'VE ONLY GOT HIS WORD FOR IT. If he is like me, its a choice. Should I tell him or just get on with my life and put this whole sorry mess behind me? Updated January 27, 2023 by ReGain Editorial Team. The last person you should be talking to about your feelings of guilt is your partner. So if your planting includes a blight (guilty secret), please don't moan if it affects the crop yield. We were chatting when we realised the other woman was snoring. Drop it in CASUALLY, as part of general chit-chat, like it's no big thing (because if it's no biggie to you then that must mean it isn't and wasn't any threat to him), and in such a way as draws similarities with his own past incident. I worry I made huge mistakes in my life and that I am destined to life a "good" family life forever more, but never feel that amazing desire and lust and sexual attraction I don't feel for anyone else but this man. If you kissed someone while you were drunk then perhaps you are worried about doing it again. Yes Im addiction there are things called SUDs.. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A Well, time for some fun questions: would you be telling him about it just to alleviate your own guilt? Not Opening Up To You Anymore For the fact that I'd have to go into mass production, LOL. I am 100% sure he will forgive you and will love you even more for telling him (which you should have done A LONG TIME AGO). I have to admit that by kissing this guy whom I liked, I did cheat on my husband. However, the fact that you kissed another guy can act as a trigger for him to think negatively of you. Foxie: There was something missing in my marriage. Now then,you and hubby should do some summer travel. Everyone is telling me not to say anything because it was so long ago and it never happened again, or will it ever. I'm mortified. Alcohol was a factor, but all it did was bring to the surface the feelings that were already there. New Mexico sunsets flat lands breathtaking. You can confess to your significant other and accept the consequences, knowing that you might hurt your partner by confessing. focus on you and your DH. Go to a therapist if you think it could help you work through why this has appealed so much. I did say gateway to sex at first didn't I.